


Someone Else's Skin

by noodlerdoodler



Series: Drabbles for Davekatweek [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Bodyswap, Dave does a terrible Karkat impression, Double Dating, M/M, Species!stuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 07:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4697645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, Dave and Karkat wake up in each other's bodies. Which would be fine, if they didn't already have plans to go on a double date with Eridan and Sollux. </p>
<p>Day Two: Species!stuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone Else's Skin

When he woke up, he was aware that something felt vaguely wrong but he couldn't place it. He wondered if Dave was awake yet or if he'd woken up freakily early again- insomnia sucked like that sometimes. He shifted and knocked his head against his boyfriend's making them both grunt. Well, if Dave wasn't awake already, he certainly was now.

"Mornin' Kar." came Dave's husky morning voice from just under Karkat's chin. The troll closes his eyes tightly and tries to snag a few more moments of rest but it seems it just isn't going to happen. He cracks his eyes open again and yawns. He runs a hand through his boyfriend's hair sleepily, enjoying the soft noise he made.

"You sound like Ampora when you call me that."

"Duly noted. I'll stick to Kitkat."

"Fuck off."

Next to him, Dave sits up and stretches his arms above his head. In the early morning light streaming through the window, Karkat can just make out the shape of his matepsprit and something about him squicks him out. Maybe it's the light but... He swears Dave is normally taller. More slender. It's normally easy to make out the sharp curve of his back. Frowning, Karkat sits up and rubs sleep from his eyes.

Of the two, Karkat is the one that is shorter and chubbier. He's the one that wears the thick sweaters and yet, as he peers at Dave now, he swears he's wearing a sweater. Dave Strider rarely wears sweaters- only around Twelfth Perigree and only for ironic reasons. He certainly does not wear them to bed, Karkat would remember something like that. He poked at Dave.

"Karkles, if you wanna go back to sleep-"

"Dave."

"Huh?"

"Dave, look at me."

Slowly, his boyfriend turns to stare at him and Karkat blanched. Because his boyfriend does not normally have light grey skin that's flushed hideous mutant red from sleep. His boyfriend does not have nubby horns of red, orange and yellow poking out of his dark hair, nor does he have yellow eyes with tired smudges underneath them. He certainly does not have a mouth of fanged teeth that grin at Karkat.

Slowly, he looks at Karkat and the grin fades from his face.

"Holy crap."

"Oh my god."

Dave is staring at him with the same amount of shock on his face and Karkat is suddenly aware of why everything has felt wrong this morning. Karkat never normally wakes up on the left side of the bed. He always sleeps on the right so that he can be closer to the window. Sometimes, if he gets cold, he has to get up and close it during the nighttime to shut the winter chills out. Karkat can't stand getting cold.

Dave's morning voice is rather husky but it's nowhere near as rough as it is now. The voice he has now normally belongs to Karkat and is as rough enough that you probably grate cheese on it. If it was possible to grate something on a sound that is- stupid metaphor. Trolls voices are more like animals than human ones, more like a growl or a snarl. That's what their old language was made up of- animal-like sounds. It always puzzles Karkat to think about that.

And, no matter what, Karkat always- _ALWAYS_ \- sleeps with his head on Dave's chest so he can listen to the steady beating of his bloodpusher. A sufferer of frequent insomnia and nightmares, Karkat finds it reassuring to wake up and be able to hear that Dave is still here with him. He's still alive and breathing. If he puts a hand to his chest, he can feel that beat he loves inside him now.

What happened is obvious to Karkat now; somehow, during the night, Karkat and Dave must have somehow switched bodies. Now, Karkat is stuck in his human boyfriend's body and he didn't even realise it.

"Karkat, I'm-"

"You're me."

"- a nubby horns."

"Shut up."

Curious, Karkat-in-Dave's-body gets up and heads to the adjoining ablution block they share in their hive. They have a huge mirror over the sink hung high that Karkat normally struggles to be able to see in but now, he can see himself perfectly.

He really is stuck in Dave's body and it's strange to stare at the lanky human form in the mirror and think of it as being his own. His bright red eyes make him flinch a little. Fuck, Karkat isn't a small angry troll anymore, he's a human. A human with darkish skin and white-blonde hair and long gangly limbs. Blinking, he puts a hand to his face and touches the freckles there. Weird.

"I hate to ruin your chance to stare at your now gorgeous face but I gotta piss."

When Karkat turns, he catches sight of the small troll standing in the doorway. Fuck, does Karkat always look that short and fluffy? It's strange to stare at himself from this angle and see how different he looks through Dave's eyes. He wonders if his morning hair always looks that terrible and Dave doesn't even bother to tell him. Rude.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"You're gonna piss?"

"Yup."

"In my body?"

"Vantas, if I can handle your dick in my ass, I can certainly hold it in my hand without freaking the fuck out. I can handle the sight of your candy piss."

Since Karkat is rooted to the spot, Dave seems to decide fuck it and heads over to load gaper anyway. He whips out his- well, Karkat's- tentabulge out and starts pissing without further discussion. Karkat tries not to think about the fact that he's going to have to do the same at some point and use Dave's weird human bulge. Nope, gross.

Awkwardly, Karkat looks away from his boyfriend and returns to staring at his new face in the mirror. He suddenly understands how Dave is so confident all the time, when he looks like this. Karkat feels like he could kick ass with a katana right now. Unfortunately, Dave has decided to continue being a dick.

"I forgot how tiny your dick was."

"Screw you!"

"I'm just messin' with you, Kitkat. I remember how small it is. I mean, just last night, it was rammed down my-"

"It's not tiny!"

"Oh, but it is." Dave finishes up and puts his bulge away again, "Don't worry though, I love your cute little alien dick."

"Oh my god, I goddamn hate you." Karkat finally adjusts to the fact that the hot guy in the mirror is now him and moves away so Dave can wash his hands. He better wash his fucking hands. He heads back to their room- escaping his boyfriend with just a few kisses pressed to his face- and rummages through their closet for a shirt and some pants. All of Dave's shirts smell like Texan Ranch Doritos.

When Dave comes back from the bathroom, he just raises an eyebrow.

"What?" Karkat says.

"I thought we were just gonna stay in today."

"You did?"

"Y'know, until we get our own bodies back."

"You know that stupid double date is today, right?"

For the last month or so, they've had plans to accompany Sollux and Eridan on their lunch date. Normally, Karkat would just shrug it off and say he was busy but the way his best friend had sounded so desperate to have somebody else there made him feel guilty, ("KK, pleathe, I've athked everyone. I can't thpend a whole lunch with him on my own. He'th thuch a bulge thlap.")

"Are you serious?"

Dave groans and flops onto the bed, looking utterly defeated. In response, Karkat just throws an old sweater at him and a pair of grey pants. His boyfriend stares at him before a long moment and Karkat glares back at him until he gives in and pulls them on.

"Very serious. Captor said he'll beat my ass if I let him down again."

"And you're scared of Captor?"

"Come on, Dave, we can't just abandon him with Ampora. Have you met that guy?"

There was a moment as Dave evidently thought over every single time that Eridan had tried to palm him under the table or tried to grope him in a crowd or "accidentally" fallen into his lap. Karkat thought about all the times the seadweller had tried to flirt with him and failed miserably. Then, Dave let out a very long sigh.

"How good is your impression of me?" Karkat asks.

"What?"

"Well, you're going to have to pretend to be me. Come on, show me your best impression of me. It's gonna be hard to fool Captor so it better be good."

"Okay. Argh, I'm Karkat and I hate everyone. Fuck everything. Dave, make out with me!" His matesprit mocked, flapping his hands frantically as he talks, "Fuck you guys, you totally suck. I'm the best leader of all time-"

"Shut up!"

"We need to work on your coolkid persona if we're going to pull this off, Karkat. How long have we got until this dumb lunch date? Two hours, let's get to work. Put the sunglasses on and hit me with your best stoic look, c'mon."

"Fuck off."

"You got us dragged into this."

"I'll remember that when I'm repeatedly smacking my head against the tabletop."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glaring at his kismesis across the table was getting increasingly boring and Sollux Captor was beginning to get tired. There was a reason that he'd organised a _double_ date instead of a single one. Because Karkat was his best friend and best friends were meant to support you on days like this. And if dealing with Strider meant that this wasn't just another awkward date with Eridan, so be it. Sollux could deal with Dave. He couldn't deal with the fact that both of his so-called "friends" were late and Eridan was getting restless. His hand kept sneaking it's way onto Sollux's thigh.

Sollux was just on the verge of getting up and going home, when Dave burst through the door with Karkat following close behind. It was hard to tell since Strider was wearing those awful aviators but Sollux was pretty sure that he was being glared at like he was the one that was half an hour late. When the two approached the table, he noticed that Karkat hung back a little. Dave on the other hand, slammed both hands down on the table and scowled at Sollux:

"Hey shithead, sorry we're late. Stri- Karkat decided that he was going to be a lazy asshole."

"Don't be such a dick." Karkat rolled his eyes before resuming the same bored expression he'd been using before, looking just past Sollux like there was something more interesting there. Sollux turned to check and there wasn't.

"Kar, you're actin' real wweird." Eridan raised an eyebrow at the pair, his eyes flicking back and forth between them. Well, at least Sollux wasn't the only one that had noticed it. Karkat wasn't normally this laid back, Strider wasn't usually this pissed off; Sollux put it down to the two them being up all night nailing each other and shrugged and told them to sit down.

When Dave immediately went to take the seat next to Sollux, Karkat cleared his throat pointedly. Dave looked back at his matesprit, seemed to realise something and stepped back to let him take that seat instead. The coolkid moved around to the other side of the table and collapsed next to Eridan, glowering at him.

"Hey Strider-"

"Don't even fuckin' try it, Eridan."

Dave slapped away Eridan's wandering hand, making the rest of the table snicker- save a little nervously. Never in his entire lifespan has Sollux seem Dave act aggressively. Even when he was strifing, he didn't have the glare on his face that was there right then. Something was definitely wrong here but Sollux couldn't put his finger on it.

"Tho, what did you think of that code I thent you?"

Sollux turns to Karkat, in hope that he can somehow save this terrible excuse for a date through small talk. When his best friend looks a little bewildered, Sollux sighs.

"You aththhole, you promithed that you'd actually try thith one out for me."

Sollux can barely conceal his frustration. For months, Karkat has been promising to help him out by testing his codes for him; only to eventually end up bullshitting some excuse about being busy but Sollux knows that he was just taking his boyfriend out to Waffle House. Of all the places! Who the fuck even goes to Waffle House on a date?!

"Yeah, well, it's not his fault that I crashed the fucking computer, is it?" Dave perks up and there's a long pause as the two matesprits look at each other all gooey-like.

"Wow, excuthe me while I vomit." Sollux rolls his eyes.

"Oh, shut up, Captor!" Dave flips him off.

"Sol." Eridan looks at him and Sollux sees his confusion reflected in his kismesis's eyes.

"Yeth?"

"A moment?" He leans forward and picks up a menu so they can hide behind it; his voice abruptly drops to a whisper, "Somethin' real wweird is goin' on here."

"I know. I jutht can't tell what it ith."

"They're actin' like... Like each other."

"What do you mean?"

"Strider's all snappy like Kar and Kar's all laid back." They both pause to peer over the menu at where said couple are still looking at each other. Dave's eyebrows are pulled together just above his sunglasses and he's scowling with distaste. Across the table, Karkat is slumped back in his chair with his arms lazily crossed and his eyes partially glazed over.

"I thee what you mean." They duck back behind a menu.

"D'you think it's a prank or somethin'?"

"What?"

"Wwell, the other day, I saww John and he said he wwas plannin' this big prank and it wwas gonna be hilarious. Wwhat if this is some joke?"

"Then, it'th not funny."

"Do wwe just go along wwith it?"

"I guethth. Or-" Sollux gets a wicked glint in his eye, "We prank 'em back."

"Wwhat?"

"We prank them back. We refer to KK ath Thtrider and vice vertha."

"To confuse them?"

"It'll be hilariouth."

"Hey, are you assfuck's gonna order or what?" Dave demands and the menu goes back down onto the table abruptly, "Can you order and then makeout please?"

"Thure thing, KK." Sollux says smoothly, "Hey ED, you wanna get a pizza between uth? I wath thinking a theafood one?"

This is a cruel ploy as he knows that his kismesis hates pizza of any kind. Eridan kicks him under the table but agrees, since he hasn't even had a chance to glance at a menu yet. Meanwhile, Dave and Karkat are exchanging glances. Once all orders have been placed and the waiter has taken their cue to leave, they return to awkward silence.

"Kar." Eridan says, suddenly, "Did you see that neww rom-com that came out?" At first, Sollux almost groans loudly but then he sees the question has been directed at Dave and he snorts.

"Yeah, I thought it was great." Dave returns, surprisingly, "The characters developed well, the plot was interesting and I really like that- OW!" There was a thump as Dave was kicked under the table and he shut up abruptly, "I mean, I don't know. What do you think, Da- Kitkat?"

"What he said." Karkat shrugs.

"Really?" Sollux raises an eyebrow, "You aren't going to thubject uth to an hour long rant about modern romance and the way it'th interpreted tho well in independent cinema or whatever the fuck?"

"Uh, no." says Karkat.

"Nice one, asshole." Dave kicks him under the table again.

"Sol." Eridan kicks him under the table again.

"What wath that for?"

"You look awwful today."

"Thankth."

"Can you two save the flirting for later when you're gagging on each other's bulges?" Dave says, "Seriously, if you continue like this, I'm going to need to borrow your bucket just so I can vomit!"

"It's nice to see you're learnin' troll terminology." Karkat says hastily.

"Anythin' to impress you." Dave pauses, "Babe."

Karkat, no word of a lie, snorts at this. Sollux frowns.

"You guys suck." Eridan's got his phone out and is tapping out a message, presumably to Feferi or Kanaya or one of the other girls. Because all the males with decent advice are sitting at the table already. Sollux wishes he had brought his phone too because there's nothing fun about watching Dave and Karkat slobber on each other. Not that they're doing that today. Strange.

"At least we don't suck nerd dick." Karkat says and no word of a lie, both Dave and Sollux choke at the same time. The only difference is that Dave looks mildly horrified and Sollux is just dying of laughter.

"Karkat." Dave rolls his eyes, "Honestly, so fucking immature."

"You dreww dicks all ovver my Harry Potter books, Davve. I don't think you havve any right to call anybody immature." Eridan doesn't so much as glance up from his handheld husktop.

"That was fucking gold." Karkat snorts.

"Damn thtraight, Dave." Sollux says, enjoying the thoroughly puzzled look this earns him from his best friend.

"Sol." Eridan kicks him under the table.

"Goddamnit, thtop doing that!" Sollux glares at him.

"Another makeout session behind the menu please."

"That'th not how you athk. you athth."

"I said please!"

Rolling his eyes, Sollux ducks behind the menu again and leans forward so that he can whisper to his kismesis.

"What?"

"I got a message from John."

"Oh?"

"John said his prank did invvolvve Dave and Karkat. But he wwas playin' the prank on them. Not on us."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On one hand, Dave was pretty sure that his impression of his boyfriend was the worst. In fact, he was sure that it was so bad that even Captor managed to pick up on it because he started calling him "Thtrider" instead of KK. Every time he did this, Eridan started snickering into his hand like it was some huge joke or something. Way to flirt, Ampora.

On the bright side, however, by the end of the date, Dave was pretty sure that he was beginning to pull it back as he scowled at the pissblood and hurled insults at him like there was no tomorrow. Thankfully, his love of rambling metaphors seemed to work in his advantage here and Captor furrowed his eyebrows at him.

The one mistake that Dave had made however was thinking that they'd get to go home as soon as the date was over.

"KK, you wanna come back to my place and play thome video gameth?"

"Uh..." He'd much rather go home and figure out how to swap their bodies back.

"Sure thing." Karkat said, from across the table, where Dave was pretty sure Ampora's wandering hands were on his leg. He kicked Eridan under the table and the seadweller withdrew, making a pathetic glubbing noise like a fish. Sollux snickered.

"Aim for hith bulge next time." Captor advised, getting up, "He hateth being kicked in the bulge."

"And you'd know, wouldn't you? Kinky fucker." Karkat said in Dave's voice. It was so weird to hear his boyfriend's insults coming out of Dave's mouth. He'd never realised quite how bad his Texan accent was.

"Fuck off."

The four of them stood and Dave moved around so he could sling an arm around his boyfriend. One thing that he forgot was how much shorter he was now and he could barely reach his boyfriend's shoulders. Looking uncomfortable with having to look down, Karkat slid an arm around him instead and the four of them headed for the door.

"Oh, pleathe." Captor looked disgusted by this show of affection.

"Wwe can get all cuddly too, if you wwant, Sol."

"Fuck off, Ampora."

"You're so cruel." Sollux shoved his boyfriend in the shoulder and his boyfriend shoved him back harder.

"You're an ass."

"All your friends are crazy." Dave mutters to his boyfriend.

"I'm not the one that friends with Egbert and Lalonde." Karkat dismisses.

"What the fuck even is their deal?" Dave gestures to where Ampora and Captor are both trying to head out the door at the same time and have ended up shoving again and then, angrily kissing against the doorway, "That's totally gross."

"Ew. Hey, can you two stop slobbering all over each other for five fucking minutes?" Karkat yells after them. Thank god for his boyfriend's big mouth, Dave thinks, he didn't want to see any seadweller on landdweller porn today.

"Fuck off, Dave." Eridan huffs.

The walk to Captor's hive is reasonably short so Dave has less time to dread arriving. He's been to the psionic's hive once or twice in the past and it was not a good experience. Whilst he had to admit that his game system was hella cool, there were also a lot of bees and they had not taken a liking to Dave. He had ended up covered in stinging welts.

This time, as they step inside, Dave discovers that the place still looks like hell exploded but that the bees pay no attention to him. He's pleased with this. He is not pleased with the fact that they go straight for his boyfriend instead and begin to sting at him. The stupid purple and yellow things leave marks where they sting.

"Dave!" Karkat-in-Dave's-body squawks, "FUCK OFF, YOU BASTARDS!!"

"Holy shit." Eridan starts laughing, the sadistic asshat.

"What ith with you guyth? Leave Thtrider alone."

"I'm fine." says Dave stupidly.

"Good to know, KK." Captor replied sarcastically.

Because Sollux is some kind of bee overlord, he manages to hustle the bees back into their hives and shuts them in there. Karkat is still trying his hardest not to whimper as Dave sticks the ironically bee-patterned band-aids ("trust Captor to own these") onto the stings. Eridan is still snickering loudly.

"What is your problem, Ampora?"

"Wwhen Dave got stung..." Eridan sniggered, "He yelled Dave. Self obsessed douchebag."

"You're a thelf obththed douchebag, Eridan." Sollux informs him, "You guyth wanna come through, I've locked the beeth away..."

"Fine..." Dave just wants to go home but he's Karkat now and Karkat would love the chance to kick Captor's butt at any video game, "I'm gonna kick your ass, Sollux."

"You thay that every thingle time." The gaming system is still as impressive as Dave remembers, "Jutht accept that you thuck major bulge at gaming. And coding, I've theen your terrible coding. A drunk man could write better. Hell, Eridan could write better."

"Wwhat are you tryin' to say about me, Sol?"

"That you thuck and I hate you. Fuck off."

"No."

When they collapse onto couch, Karkat automatically places himself on Dave's lap. Which would be fine, except Dave is now the smaller of the two and he gets utterly crushed by the now-human. Karkat realises his mistake when his boyfriend groans underneath him and they switch places. Unfortunately, Dave finds that he isn't the slightest bit comfortable on Karkat's lap. He decides to suck it up and stay there anyway.

"Are you done playin' musical chairs?" Eridan raises an eyebrow. He has been banned from sitting on the couch and pushed onto the floor, where he sits looking dejected and miserable. Dave wonders if he'll beat off to those feelings later.

"Fuck off, Ampora."

"Shut up, Kar."

Controllers are tossed to Dave and Karkat in turn- again, Eridan is neglected- and soon, Karkat is screaming angrily as he loses hard. Captor's right, Karkat does always lose, no matter what they're playing, and today is no exception.

"Jeez, Dave, stop yellin'."

"FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER OF FUCKSHIT JESUS FUCK-"

"THHIT, THHIT, WHY DO YOU THUCK THO BAD THTRIDER?"

"Excuse me, I'm kicking your ass here." Dave rolls his eyes.

"THHUT UP, KK."

"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK-"

"I'm gettin' a headache here."

"FUCK OFF, AMPORA."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thankth for helping me out today, KK."

"It's cool." Karkat shrugs nonchalantly, "Even if you were flirting to hell with Ampora over there."

"You're a hypocritical athth."

"Thanks. See you."

"Fuck off, Sollux." Dave glares at him one last time before he turns and leads his human down the path.

"They were actin' real strange today." Eridan comments as he waved the small troll and his human off, "Sol, I don't think it wwas a prank. There's genuinely somethin' goin' on. Somethin' wweird."

They waited until the pair vanished around the corner before moving.

"You don't think I realithed that, aththhole?" Sollux rolls his eyes as he shuts the door and leans against it, "You don't think I noticed that my betht friend fucking flipped and became thome lother overnight?"

"Maybe they're sick." Eridan mused.

"They didn't theem thick." There was a long pause, "Hey, did John ever tell you what prank he pulled on them in the firtht place?"

"Hold on." Eridan pulled out his phone and scrolled through the new messages from Fef, finding one from Egbert lingering at the bottom. His eyes widened as he read it and he looked at Sollux.

"What?"

"Sol, he-"

"What?"

"Sol."

"Goddamnit, what?!"

"Egbert says he used the ectomachine. To swwitch their bodies."

Another long pause.

Then, Sollux starts grinning at him.

"Wwhat?"

He just keeps grinning.

"Sol, wwhat?"

"I could kithth that human."

"Please, don't."

"I guethth I'll have to thettle for you then."

"Gross."

"C'mere."


End file.
